Divorce is, and always has been, a part of American culture. Until the last 30 years or so, it carried with it a high level of shame; Ronald Reagan was the first president to have been divorced, and I recall a lot of negative commentary about that from the older adults I knew. The stigma, thankfully, has lessened dramatically over recent years, but there are still religions that have rules limiting access to rites and sacraments if you are divorced and remarried. And while the rate of divorce in this country has lessened over the last 20 years, so has the rate of marriage. Divorce, no matter what the situation, carries a lot of pain and loss with it.
In Jesus’ time, divorce was one-sided; a man could produce a writ and the legal contract would be broken. Jesus spoke of divorce in two ways; one can be found in Matthew 5, in the section where Jesus changes some Hebrew laws. He said, “It was also said, “Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” In Matthew 19, Jesus explained that Moses allowed men to divorce their wives because of the “hardness of heart.” The Apostle Paul took a softer tone, explaining that God wants peace, so if a Christian is married to a non-believer, they can separate. He also suggested that they try to stay together, because, as he wrote in 1 Corinthians 7, “Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.“
If we believe that Jesus gave commandments for the good of all people, we have to think that His sayings restricting divorce were meant for good, not so men could control women. Women who were divorced had no resources and were often cast into poverty and forced to beg or prostitute themselves. Men had all the power and could all too easily get rid of women (since they and their children were considered property) for a younger model. That is what I think Jesus meant by men’s hardness of heart. Bad theology allows men to control women. Good theology gives people the opportunity to live lives of integrity and promise and freedom. And while divorce is almost always painful – some people have told me that it is like a little death – it is also often better than suffering in an abusive or destructive relationship.
And as far as marriage being created by God, we have little evidence for that. There is nothing in Genesis that suggests Adam and Eve were married, and the act itself was, for most of human history, a legal transaction based on trade. Women were good for childbearing and could be cast aside if there were no children. Bad theology blames God for these things. Good theology embraces people as they go through difficult times. Any church that punishes people for going through the painful process of divorce is not doing the work of Jesus. Good theology builds up; bad theology tears down.
Prayer – Help us in all of our relationships, God of peace, to make them flourish. Amen.
Today’s art is “Sacred Marriage” by Suzy Sanders.