Last Tuesday, while Chris and I were on vacation, our 14-year-old dog died. She had been slowly fading for at least a year, so it was not a surprise. We were sad that we weren’t there, but our son was, by chance, staying at our house for work-related reasons. He put her in the back seat of my truck to take her to the vet and she died on the way. Like anyone who loses a beloved pet, we are sad, but glad she isn’t suffering. Anyone who has pets knows just how much a part of the family they are. She was a crazy dog (I think she was actually my spirit animal), and we will miss her.
I posted this news to let people know and got hundreds of responses of sadness. Anyone who visited our home knew just what kind of dog she was, and just about everyone loved her. As I heard from people, I began to think about this in terms of our daily lives; I began to wonder how different my life would be if everyone (including me) used this same level of empathy in other ways. For example, I could post that I think it can be sad and scary when someone has an abortion. I would have had a dozen people go off on a woman’s right to choose and another dozen people saying that abortion is murder. Everyone else would have stayed out of it, keeping silent in the face of the outrage of others. The rare person might have agreed that, yes; regardless of one’s stance, abortion can be a terribly difficult time for everyone involved. That is empathy – the ability to understand that one’s feelings are, in fact, valid.
I don’t have to agree with you to empathize with you. I don’t have to vote like you or pray like you to feel what you feel. Empathy allows me to put myself in other people’s shoes. It forces one to let go of one’s self for a moment and consider why people think or feel differently than I do. When a pet dies, everyone who loves pets – and those who don’t – feels our pain. Why can’t we do the same when someone’s dream dies? Why can’t we understand why someone, for very good reasons, would vote the complete opposite way of us? I can hold my views while trying to understand why others feel differently. It’s called being a mature adult. I don’t have to agree, but I need to try to understand.
There is one exception – if someone’s views lead to hatred and violence, I am out. If you agree with insurrection – if you violently attack a peaceful protestor – if you believe in killing people who disagree with you – if you use your religion to oppress people – that is where empathy ends, and prison should begin. I can understand why you disagree with abortion, but I will not put up with you agreeing that doctors who perform them should be killed. I will understand why you are tired of the status quo in government, but if you participate in a mob that wants to hang the vice president, I will vote to put you in jail. Empathy leads to understanding and, possibly, finding agreement. Any discussion that leads to violence is a non-starter. Because we are supposed to be mature adults, not animals. Real human beings listen and care and try to understand.
Prayer – Help us, O God, to find a better way. Help us to see each other in light of You. Help us to understand. Amen.
Today’s art – This doodle came about while praying over a black community grieving over the murdered black members of a church (2015). It was found on this website – Empathy – Art Responses