A few years ago, a long-time church member came to worship for the first time in many years. This person had experienced a lot of loss over the years and was looking for something they couldn’t totally define. Actually, this person was looking for a number of things; one of them was a mate. It is true that there was a time when this was a regular occurrence in congregations; church was a safe place to meet generally good people, and romances were often encouraged. That time, at least for our mainline churches, is probably long past. Here’s the problem: this person wanted me to help in that search. This was a first for me. I gently told this person that this was not something I could, or even would, feel comfortable helping with. The individual got angry and left, never to darken our door since.
A good amount of research has been done over the last decade to give credence to the idea that people are lonelier now than ever before, at least in this country. Lifestyles and life choices are evolving; for example, it is estimated that half of all millennial women will never have children. The number of single-person American households has doubled since 1980 to 36%. This means they are not married or living with a partner or in a romantic relationship. None of this is wrong – it’s just the numbers. It does point, however, to a significant shift in our definition of what a family is, but it doesn’t mean that they are all lonely. They are just alone.
The church can be a lonely place too. I can’t tell you how often I see people sitting alone on Sunday mornings, and I know that some of them are not doing that by choice. I did a funeral recently at which everyone, except for one person, sat together. I had gone over to this individual and welcomed her, and she seemed very at ease. Still, she chose to sit alone. Nobody should sit alone in church unless they choose to; the problem is, that’s hard to discern. My wife and I have gone to church and been warmly greeted by a number of those present and we have gone to church and been ignored. We have been so overwhelmed by requests to fill out paperwork that it was annoying; we have also been treated as if we were invisible.
I think we should treat our houses of worship as if they were our homes, and the people who walked through the doors were old friends. It doesn’t matter if we know them or not; we should all extend a welcome when people come to be with us. We should hand them a bulletin – introduce ourselves – ask if they know where the bathroom is, just in case. We should do everything in our power to make sure that everyone there doesn’t feel lonely or unseen. The world can be a cold place, especially if one is alone. The church isn’t a dating service – we are the body of Christ. Every person, whether it is their first time there or their one-thousandth time, should feel like they belong. I think that’s what Jesus meant when He said that where two or three are gathered, He is there. To feel lonely is to feel unloved, and at least in the church, that should never be the case.
Prayer – Holy God, from the beginning You understood that it isn’t right for us to be alone. Teach us to share that love that has no strings or expectations, but just is there. Amen.
Today’s art is “Together” by Shelby McQuilken.