My older brother was the first male I knew who got an earring – I was the second. He was a year older than I was and no longer at home; I got mine at 19 when I was in college and independent of my parents. They were New York City bohemians, but surprisingly not very open-minded about things like that. And while my brother stayed in the relatively moderate state of New York, I went to college in southwest Ohio, a place not known as a haven of progressive thought. Arriving at college my sophomore year with an earring brought about an interesting mixture of responses; most of them negative reactions from men.
I have asked the question many times over the years; why are we so afraid? I get being afraid of dark alleys and deranged people. I understand the fear of letting your kid play outside unsupervised. Fear, in many instances, is a way to stay alive, and we learn healthy fear as we experience life. Fear can keep us alive and fear can keep us safe. Unhealthy fear can destroy our lives. Unhealthy fear can create unhealthy people, communities, organizations, and nations. We Americans have had our share of fearful eras – think the Red Scare of the 1940’s and 50’s.
Here is one example of dangerous fear: In 2023, according to a recent Congregational Equality Caucus report, 50 anti-LGBTQ+ votes were held on the House of Representatives floor, 95 anti-LGBTQ+ amendments added to bills that the House will vote on, 40 hearings where people made anti-LGBTQ+ comments (often as the main focus of the hearing), and 55 anti-LGBTQ+ bills introduced. House Republicans voted to pass several anti-LGBTQ+ bills. And to be clear – the real Republicans I know don’t care about these things; it takes a warped mind to be afraid of people based on who they love or how they identify. These hearings and bills and negative comments are based on irrational fear, and they are hurting real people and families. Fear is the go-to move for people who are emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually damaged, and their unresolved hurts hurt all of us. They need professional help.
I have a bumper sticker on my truck that says, “Be careful who you hate – they might be someone you love.” Irrational fear comes from someplace deep inside, often nurtured by false religion and generational bias. Nobody is born a bigot; we have to be taught to hate. We can also be untaught. If you or someone you love is filled with fear and loathing and hatred, please get help. You are doing more damage than you realize, and your hate, no matter how much your try to rationalize it, doesn’t come from God; it comes from ignorance and pain. Those things can be healed; the damage you do may be a different story.
Prayer – Teach us how to love, O God, so that we can truly know You and Your desires. Cure us of our warring madness. Amen.