I was a Local Pastor for two years as I was finishing seminary, and when I graduated, I was placed in a lovely little United Methodist Church in Andover, NJ. My predecessor at that church had disappeared in the middle of the night with a married man she had been having an affair with (she had been doing marital counseling with him and his wife, both members of that church), so I had a lot of anger to deal with and much healing to do in that congregation. It was unfortunate in many ways; this pastor was gifted and beloved, and she broke their hearts. Since she had only been ordained as a deacon (read – on probation), her orders were taken away. It was the right thing to do; she had broken trust and needed to find another line of work.
Part of the problem, however, was that in that small conference that year there were four other clergy – all men and all fully ordained elders – who also committed adultery with church members. One of them took a leave of absence to work on himself, and I applaud him. The other three, however, were moved to different congregations. Full disclosure – while everyone in the conference knew of their situations, few knew what, if anything, was expected of them. They might all have had to get counseling – or not. That’s the thing about these kinds of personnel issues; there needs to be a level of confidentiality to protect the innocent.
It was then that I got interested in the nuances of clergy ethics and the way sexism played a part in the outcomes of all five pastors. I began to ponder the balance between punishment and forgiveness, and struggled with the idea that, while clergy are people too, they are also expected to follow the rules. This wasn’t news to me, but as a flawed person who has free will, I know that moral and ethical decisions are not always easy. We can’t always do what we want because not every want is a good choice. James 3 says that those who teach (which most people believe means preach as well) will be held to a higher standard of behavior. Pastors are no better or worse than anyone else, but we are expected to match our words with our actions – we are expected to know better. We aren’t forced to answer this calling; it is a privilege that carries a lot of responsibility. This is why we are called to discernment and testing by the church.
I honestly don’t know the answer to this quandary. There are some clergy who make mistakes and live the rest of their lives making up for them. There are some clergy who are predators; they leave destruction in their paths as they fulfill their own lusts. There is a big difference between these two groups, and it takes wisdom and courage to treat each appropriately. Not every person who feels called to the ministry of Word & Sacrament should be told yes. Not every clergyperson who strays or steals money should be forgiven and allowed to stay or found negligent and be removed. And we can be forgiven but also be told that we just aren’t cut out for this kind of work. It is up to each one of us to maintain healthy relationships and boundaries; no person should walk their faith alone. We all need people we can call on to help us in times of weakness. God is forgiving and gracious; God also has expectations. This is every believer’s challenge, and there are few easy answers. Here’s to choosing well.
Prayer – Holy God, give us the ability to choose wisely and discern fairly every day. And walk with us through all of it. Amen.
Today’s art is “Forgiveness” by Anthony Falbo.