As I wrote two days ago, I did almost all the cooking in our household based on schedule, not skill. To our family, this was just normal. We raised both of our children believing that they could be anything that their skills and purpose enabled them to be. They learned that there aren’t any innate gender roles; as the beautiful song in “South Pacific” warns us, we have to be carefully taught. And while I do believe that we are born with the ability to tell the differences between things, and that we all have innate gifts, we are not born as bigots. That must also be carefully taught. So, while some of who we are is based on nature – genetics – much of how we live is based on nurture – how we are taught. Two examples.
I was reading a book by Robin Cook, a physician and novelist. My son had just turned 2 years old, and as they do, he saw the book and asked, “Who dat?” After I told him, he went to his mother – a physician – and with a tone of wonder said, “Mommy – boys can be doctors too!” Later that year, I was at an evening meeting and Chris warmed up some leftovers for dinner. Matthew, who was used to me being in the kitchen, said, “Mommy – you’re a good cooker too!” We’ve got to be carefully taught. It isn’t nature versus nurture, it’s both.
We continue to hear nonsensical diatribes about gender roles and gender identity, and I am, honestly, just tired of them. When we lived in Cincinnati in the early 1990’s I had the privilege of being a preceptor for the University of Cincinnati Medical School for a class on human sexuality. We heard presentations from different people and then had small group discussions about them with the first-year medical students. One physician who was a lesbian told the students that virtually every gay person was raised by straight parents. Sex and gender are orientations – nature, not choices, yet we continue to hear the word “preference” attached to them. I did not choose to male and straight – I am male and straight! We have been carefully taught lies that perpetuate our mythologies about who we are supposed to be, rather than who we are. How we live and treat one another is a choice.
Male Dominance/Toxic Masculinity – is not ordained by God. It is not in our genes, and it is not a forgone conclusion. Men continue to misuse Scripture and science to carefully teach us these lies, and we continue to accept them. Well, we used to. I am grateful that more and more people are refusing to buy the tales of misogyny that have been spun for all of human history. It is time to listen to the words of Graham Nash’s beautiful song, “Teach Your Children Well”; we need to learn how to become ourselves, not who our parents or society tell us we are. Not being true to oneself is a kind of hell, and nobody should be put there against their will.
Prayer – God, You have made each one of us with possibilities; nobody should be forced to be something they are not. Thank You. Amen.
Today’s art is called “Trapped” by Poorvi Kumar.