I know that I touch on this subject occasionally, but I hear it so much that I feel the need to address it again. The other day I heard someone telling another person about her friend who had taken her own life. The friend, trying to be helpful, said, “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” I’m sure the friend thought she was doing the right thing, and I know how difficult it is to know what to do or say in this kind of circumstance, but if someone said this to me, I would have been livid! I just told you that my friend actually had so much wrong in life that she ended it, and you tell me this? This phrase is an interpretation of I Corinthians 10: 13, “No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and God will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing God will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.” And I find no comfort in it – I think it is cruel.
First – I don’t believe God tests us. I think life is hard sometimes, but I have no illusion that God is throwing stumbling blocks in my way to see how nimble my faith reflexes are. Sometimes, my faith is fragile, and I can use a little help. I think we all go through those times when life feels extra tough. That last thing we need is more struggle, or to be told that God is the cause of it.
Second – this makes God seem like a bully or a frat bro hazing us. Of course, much of this is based on the story of Job (which I dislike more than I can explain), and it bolsters the idea that God is micromanaging each one of us because we don’t have enough on our plates already. I have always thought that God must have plenty to do without having to test my spiritual coping mechanisms.
Third – the writer of James (1: 13-15) told the church that, “No one, when tempted, should say, ‘I am being tempted by God’; for God cannot be tempted by evil and God tempts no one. But one is tempted by one’s own desire, being lured and enticed by it; then, when that desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and that sin, when it is fully grown, gives birth to death.” If you haven’t read James (it’s right after Hebrews in the Christian scriptures) you really should. He is the antidote to a lot of bad theology.
I know people are trying to be helpful and kind when they say this, but it is actually the exact opposite. Instead, why not say, “I am so sorry – I mourn with you.” Or, “I’m here for you, no matter what.” Or, “I can’t image what you are going through.” No, God doesn’t give us more than we can handle because God isn’t to blame for our suffering. In fact, I believe that God is suffering with us through all of it; God is walking with us and handing us tissues as we weep. God is telling us that we are loved, and that our suffering is not a punishment; it’s a part of everyone’s life. And it sucks. But it will, eventually, get better. When you feel like it’s too much, call a friend and let it pour out. A real friend will listen. And give you a hug. And give you some soup or a cup of tea. Not flaccid, meaningless platitudes.
Prayer – Holy God, there are times when we feel like life is too much, and we are glad that You are there with us, taking it all and holding us in Your arms. Thank You for the comfort You give to us every day. Amen.
mToday’s art is “The River of Life” by Cathy Geier.