Yesterday was the 20th anniversary of my mom’s death, and the day before I found out that my older brother (by 11 months) died. Those numbers are significant to me because they are related; I had only talked to my brother once since her funeral. We had never really had a chance to be close – he moved out at 16 – but I had tried to keep some connection with him over the years. He chose not to reciprocate. He is the first of the 5 of us – all over 60 – to die, and it reminds me of the very simple fact that we need each other. And the second simple fact is that life is short, so don’t waste it. I think most people over 50 recognize that there is far more of our lives in our past than there is in our future. I’m not being morbid, just honest.
We need each other. I’ve gotten a lot of condolences on Facebook and by telephone, mostly from people who never met any of my family members. Their messages are rarely more than 3 or 4 words, but those few words mean a lot to me. You don’t have to know someone to be compassionate towards them, and you don’t need to agree with everything they say and believe – you just need to be a human being with human feelings and empathy. We need the people who are on our side, and we need the people who will push us to think and live in different ways. John Donne wrote so eloquently about this in “No Man is an Island”, which was printed in 1691, shortly after his death. Here is the last verse: Any person’s death diminishes me, Because I am involved in humankind. And therefore, never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.
At a time when loneliness has become an epidemic and face-to-face relationships are being supplanted by video and AI and online personas, many of us are reevaluating what it means to be in a relationship with each other. Schools are making kids put their phones away during class (well, duh!) and businesses are bringing people back to work in person. The coronavirus did a number on us in many ways, but it only exacerbated an already crumbling culture of disconnection. Politicians use this loss of personal connection to make us angrier at each other than we should be. And sure; there are lots of great aspects to communicating when we can’t get together, but online should never replace being together, if there’s a choice. We need each other.
That’s why I like to sit in a pew on Sunday morning or drive a half hour to hear a speaker. That’s why I attend live music venues, even if it isn’t the best stuff out there. That’s why I like to sit in a restaurant instead of getting takeout. I know that for many introverts, these things are probably torture, and that’s okay – you be you. As an uber-extrovert, I need to be around people – I need to talk to folks and visit with them and be connected. Or just hear their voices at the table next to me. We are all supposed to be involved with humankind and never forget that none of us will live forever. Make the call – send the email – get a cup of coffee with a friend. Before the bell tolls for you, and you missed out on someone who matters, just like you do.
Prayer – Holy God, thank You for the connections we have with each other and with You. May each day be another chance to be in community together. Amen.
Today’s art is a mural in Montefiore Medical Center in New York.