Back when I was in seminary, I made some really good friends, the kinds of people we all need in our lives. One day, one of them strongly disagreed with something I said in class, and I felt deeply betrayed and embarrassed by his comments. You have to remember that I was 24 (so, still not fully formed) and still finding myself, so this was hard to take. And to be honest, I was still carrying the baggage of my childhood, which told my subconscious mind that disagreements could lead to violence. I felt pretty bad about it, and he knew I was upset, so he told me that real friends can disagree and still be friends. If they can’t, they probably weren’t friends to begin with. I have no recollection of what the subject of our discussion was, but his words have stayed with me, a reminder of what real friendship should be.
Social media has allowed us to disagree in a far more public way than ever before, and it has created a lot of tension in our lives. I will often get messages from people asking me how I can remain friends with people who think so differently than I do, and I tell them that our friendship is more important than our disagreements. However, I will admit that there are some things that are dealbreakers. If I found out that someone I care about is, for example, secretly part of a hate group, I would have to reassess our relationship. That is one of the rare things that is a bridge too far.
I will be honest that this recent election has strained some of my relationships. That strain hasn’t come from policy differences; I have never been 100% on board with any administration, and I doubt most of you have either. No, what has caused me to pull back is the danger that some of the people I love may be in because of the agenda of some (not all) people in the next administration. For example, I will be attending a mass wedding being held for LGBTQ people in our area that was organized so non-straight people can have a legal document in case there are attempts to take their right to marry away. I am not doing the weddings; I am simply standing in solidarity with those in attendance against the hate being directed at them. This is what we are called to do, if we care about others.
We will move past this, I am sure, but I think we should all take a moment and consider how our actions and words impact others. We should be able to listen to opposing views while intelligently expressing our own. And, if we are truly friends, we should be prepared to understand why our actions and words might be hurtful to others. Because that’s what friends do.
Prayer – God, we are all unique and have different ideas, and sometimes those ideas can get in the way of our love for one another. Give us patience and courage to listen and speak the truth in love. Amen.
Today’s art is “Conflict 2” by Andrew Penman.