Picture this – I had graduated from college in June and was starting my first classes at Drew Theological Seminary in NJ. I was one of a handful of 22-year-old students, so, like most 22-year-old “adults”, I was clueless about most things. I was dating his amazing woman (who, inexplicably, decided to marry me two years later), and was following my dream. Life was good – no – life was great! I sat in one of my first classes and was soaking it all in, when one of the professors – a well-known and incredibly accomplished theologian – said something to the effect that all men are rapists to all women. I was shocked by this, and thought that maybe I hadn’t heard her correctly, so I asked a student nearby if this was, indeed, what she had said. Yes. I’M NOT LIKE THAT!! I yelled in my head. I’m a caring person who is delightful in every way (that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.) I was insulted by this personal attack – this besmirching of my manhood – this attack on my gender!
Fast forward 42 years – an online question asked of women – Would you rather be alone in the woods with a bear or a man, and the vast majority of women chose the bear. Men everywhere were upset – I’m not like that! I’m a caring person who is delightful in every way – I am insulted by this personal attack – this besmirching of my manhood – this attack on my gender! I, however, was not upset by this disconcerting revelation – I nodded my head sadly and said, “Yup.” Because it isn’t about me and my male privilege – and if men don’t think they have male privilege, this is a sure sign that they do – this is about living in a world where women are afraid of the danger a lot of men pose towards them. They are afraid of being overpowered – abused – impregnated – given a disease – and probably a bunch of other things that I can’t even imagine. I look back at my 22-year-old self and give him a little grace, because he was raised in a world that allowed – still allows – men to get away with abuse and murder daily. The data shows that in 2022, worldwide, 89,000 women and girls were murdered, and 1 in 3 women and girls experience intimate partner and/or non-partner violence, including rape and domestic violence (Man or bear? CNN).
With the disgusting revelations about Jeffrey Epstein and his buddies, it may be that the tide is turning. Nothing will change much, however, unless real men start to speak up and not be insulted by the truth of women. It doesn’t matter if I, as a man, have never and would never commit an atrocity against a woman or girl – they don’t know that. So, I have to be aware of their reality, not my fragility. If you are a man and these ideas hurt your feelings, I have one thing to say to you – GROW UP! I point a finger at you because I had to point a finger at myself – I had to grow up and understand. Like every other societal ill, I might not be part of the cause, but people like me have been, so I must be part of the solution. Because people just like me are a threat to women, so people just like me need to be a place of safety and support. Real men do this – whiny, weak, fragile people take offense. Time for all of us to grow up.
Prayer – Holy God, You teach us to be the solution, even if we aren’t the problem. It takes awareness and courage – help us! Amen.