We have seen the articles and studies and concerns for years about men; if you want to learn about it, just google it and prepare to be shocked – I won’t go into it here. Much of the mayhem being caused now – let’s be honest – being caused throughout history – has been perpetrated by men. Blame it on the testosterone or cultural dysfunction or bad parenting – among so many causes – but let’s be honest about this. Men are being taught a lot of lessons that are unhealthy and dangerous. Then we get upset because women are afraid of us; they would feel safer meeting a bear in the wilderness than a man – and who can blame them? I am regularly reminded of my male privilege by women (including my wife and daughter); I don’t think twice about walking out my front door – they have to check their surroundings everywhere they go. Don’t believe me? Ask any woman you know – they will tell you.
As a man, I am pretty sure that I am not guilty of most of the things men are being accused of, but I am also sure that I have caused concern in women over the years. I won’t step on an elevator anymore by myself with a woman I don’t know – I won’t walk behind a woman alone on the street – I try really hard to not speak when I know a woman wants to speak at the same time. I wasn’t raised to be concerned about these issues – I was taught not to cry or express my feelings or acknowledge loss or pain. I suffered because of my training – I was in a deep despair for a long time after my mom died because I didn’t have the tools to care for myself, even though I help others do that on a regular basis. I wasn’t raised to be a real man – I was raised to control – to dominate – and to pretend that I know all the answers. That is not real man behavior.
There are a lot of behaviors that may be innate or so deeply embedded culturally that they can’t be changed, but there are also a lot of ways we can teach boys how to grow up to be real men. We can raise our children in faith communities that value equality, including celebrating women clergy. We can teach our boys and girls how to embrace their true selves, and not what the culture demands of them. We can teach them to respect others and themselves – how to work together for the common good – that success is more amazing when it is shared. We really need to work hard so that this generations of toxic men are the last. Because toxic behavior in men is the cause of almost all of our world’s troubles. Let’s leach the toxins out so all of us can feel safer and healthier – and more like real men.
Prayer – Holy God, demand that we learn to be real men, embracing equality and creating a better world. Amen.
Today’s art is “Norse” by Patricia A. Gillen.