I recently listened to an interview on WHYY with Dr. Frank Anderson, a psychiatrist who is an expert in trauma. Although he had worked with many patients and written books about trauma, he didn’t truly understand the depth of his own feelings of loss and pain until he became a husband and father. He recognized that he had not truly found healing, and he began a new chapter. He was the victim of conversion therapy, an abusive process used to try to “heal” people who are LGBTQ and was emotionally and physically abused by his father, who was a violent drunk. His story is not, unfortunately, unusual; children are often mistreated in this way.
The interview is really amazing – you can listen to the podcast if you like – but one of the most meaningful things he said was this: Trauma blocks Love – Love heals Trauma. I think this speaks to all of us because we all have had some kind of trauma in our lives. Even if we find help, that trauma lives on in us and is given to our families, friends, and other relationships. Even when we feel like we have found healing, trauma has staying power, hiding in the crevices of our memories and coming out at the most inopportune times. We can choose to continue to look for healing, or we can stuff it down, believing we can move on and forget it. Trauma is the hurt that keeps on hurting unless we confront it and find ways to work through it.
If we don’t work on it, trauma will eat us alive. Grief is a kind of trauma, and I know personally what can happen when we don’t deal with our grief in helpful ways. Allowing ourselves to be loved and to love in return can allow us to heal, but I feel like that healing is never truly done. I know that in my own experience, thinking I am finally done can be dangerous. Similar to addiction, we are always recovering. Allowing trauma to control us makes us shut down; it keeps us afraid and limits our ability to trust. Love has no boundaries. Love has no limits. Love can heal trauma if love is allowed to grow. Love that has strings attached isn’t fully love; it is anxious and afraid. The Apostle Paul told his readers that love never ends.
We all have trauma – it’s just part of the human condition. None of us gets out unscathed. And while some trauma is worse than others, all of it can limit us and control us; unless we allow love to conquer it. That is what I have tried to do for myself – I have worked hard to be more loving every day. The times I have not allowed love to win, I have paid the price. And so have others. I hope your trauma is being healed every day with love. True love casts out fear. Trauma blocks Love – Love heals Trauma.
Prayer – Holy God, Your love can heal us, and our love for others can too. Help us to embrace and nurture love in every part of our lives. Amen.
Today’s art is “Healing” by Karen Cole.