We all do it – we listen with one ear open while half (or more) of our brain is formulating our response based on our opinion, our lens, and our bias. We take offense when none is given because, too often, we expect to be offended. We think our opinions are always correct – honestly, why else would we hold them if they weren’t right – and often find it difficult to change our minds, even when the alternative idea is better, and the facts are clear. We hear what we want to hear and ignore that which counters our worldview. I’m not pointing fingers – I often do it too. And we hold on to our beliefs even when we know, deep in the recesses of the objective parts of our brains, that we are wrong. Those ideas that are counter to the ones we grew up with suggest to us that we were lied to, and those who did the lying were often people we loved. They didn’t lie – they were telling us what they were taught. Questioning – doubting – thinking – are not always welcome, especially in church.
For example: it was the first Christmas at my current church, and I thought it all went pretty well. Until I got an angry letter from a prominent member chastising me for saying, in my Christmas Eve sermon, that Jesus was a bastard. I don’t use that language, so it seemed like a flat-out lie, but I went back to the videotape (yes, we still used them) and watched the service. I did not use that word; what I said was that the people of Jesus’ time did not believe that He was born of a virgin; in fact, they probably didn’t even know the story. From their point of view, I said, Jesus was born out of wedlock (which is, technically, a bastard). This is why, I opined, His family had to stay in a barn in His dad’s hometown. The family was embarrassed, and Mary and Joseph were shunned by the good people of Bethlehem. I took the video to the offended party and played the sermon but to no avail. He still maintained that this is what I had said, and he was never coming back.
Men are often accused of not really listening in conversations. This may be true, but I think it is also true for non-men too. Truly listening can be excruciating, especially if we know we have the answer to solve the other person’s problem (he says tongue in cheek). As the kind old lady up the street from where I grew up used to say, “God gave us two ears and one mouth so we could listen twice and speak once.” Talking, at least for us extroverts is easy; listening is a skill we need to learn and practice. This is why we need to seek clarification if we don’t understand what we have been told. This is why we should take a breath when we begin to feel offended. I am a blunt, straightforward person; a lot of people find offense in what I say. I don’t mean to offend; from my point of view, I am just telling the truth as I see it. And if I was easily offended, I would have left the ministry after 5 years; people in the church often say things that are mean and destructive. We clergy need to have a thick skin.
Take a breath and listen. Ask questions and think. Take everything, like the Apostle Paul counseled, with a grain of salt. There is much to be learned in life, and I try really hard to listen to the wisdom of those around me so I can learn more every day. We hear what we want to hear, and we always think we are right. But we aren’t. The wise person is open to new ideas and change. The fool stands unmoved. Be wise and listen.
Prayer – We are listening to You, God of all things, so that our hearts might be moved, and our minds changed towards Your worldview. Open our ears and shut our mouths so we can receive Your wisdom. Amen.
Today’s art is “The Goddess of Wisdom” by Christopher Clark. Wisdom in Hebrew is Feminine – so is the Holy Spirit. Interesting, don’t you think?