When I was the chaplain at Albright College in the late 1990’s, I developed and presented a program for fresh-person orientation called “Finding Mr/Mrs Right.” I will confess to you that this was very hetero-focused. I wasn’t really trained or capable of including other sexualities at that time, and I doubt I could to it now. The reason I did this program was that I had read an article that something like 70-80 percent of new students had sex during the first two weeks of being at school, and many of those interactions were alcohol-driven. Which means that most of them were probably not consensual. All the fresh-people gathered in the chapel, which was the only space large enough, and I put the men on one side and the women on the other – very Amish of me. We would get a scribe to write down what each side was looking for, and after we got past the obvious physical attributes, it got real.
I concluded the program by telling them that before they gave a part of themselves that was so personal, they should try to know the person they were going to have sex with. I told them that most of those hook-ups would not last, and they would have to live with the unfair, yet very real shaming that might follow. Sadly, the men were really mad. Happily, the women weren’t. I think the program made a difference in how the students started the year. Sure, some went ahead and did it anyway – they were adults, and they had free will. Others, though, waited, and over the years a number of them came to me privately and told me how much it meant to have that warning. All women, by the way.
The problem I have in the area of sexuality with most conservative Christians is that they preach an idea that is a lie. It is based on a few Scripture passages from the New Testament that tell women they are inferior to men. Men are told that they are in charge – that they are the deciders – that they are supposed to teach their silent, submissive wives how to feel and believe and behave. That may be how the fragile men of the 1st century lived out their weakness, but that is not how Jesus taught His followers to be adults. Maybe more men and women would find long-lasting, mature relationships if, instead of listening to sexist propaganda, they treated each other like adults. In my marriage, the only thing I can’t do is birth a baby. The only things my wife can’t do is lift heavy things or open jars. Otherwise, we decide everything together – there is no head of the household. That’s what real adults do. And by the way, if someone chooses an older way of being in relationship freely, go for it. As long as nobody is being forced. That, by definition, is abuse. Adults absolutely don’t do that.
Prayer – Holy God, thank You for making us equal. That, for sure, is Your desire. To do otherwise is not. Amen.