My wife and I were sitting at the bar of a local restaurant having a light meal this week when we heard the conversation of the two men to our left. Chris was closer to them, so she heard the whole thing – I only heard an occasional expletive – and she was getting furious. It seems that the two – one in particular – were complaining about all that they had to do on Mother’s Day. The one doing the most complaining went on about changing diapers and preparing a meal – I get the feeling he probably called Uber Eats – and the worst part (for him) was that she never said thank you! Chris said that she really wanted to tell them what she thought about them, but her better angels convinced her to keep quiet. It gave us some insight into toxic masculinity.
Now, before you get your boxer shorts in a bunch, I am not saying that all men are toxic – they obviously are not. Most men that I spend time with are caring, equality minded, supportive husbands and friends. In fact, I doubt that my wife and I could stomach being around that kind of juvenile behavior for very long. It was a reminder, though, of just how much toxicity exists in the world, and how too many of these toxic men are in positions of power and authority. They believe that denigrating women shows their toughness. They think that women shouldn’t go to college, or if they do, they should give up their careers to stay home with the children. And I think that being able to stay home is a great gift and calling – unless it’s forced on someone. Using Scripture or fake societal “norms” is no excuse for trying to control someone.
I realize that our encounter with these two was just a snapshot of their lives. Maybe they are kind, God-loving guys who just needed to vent. I wonder, though, about two guys saying these things in public loudly enough for everyone around them to hear. I wonder about what kinds of fathers and husbands and friends they are when they are willing to share this kind of vitriol with strangers. They probably learned this from their own families of origin, and this kind of toxic behavior was probably supported by friends and coaches and society and the media. They are probably teaching their children to behave this way as well. I know very little about this, but I do know that toxic masculinity does not make one a real man; in fact, it makes us weak and fragile and immature. Grownups treat each other with respect. Toxic people do not. I hope their families can break the cycle, because toxic materials are poison.
Prayer – Holy God, help us to create a world that values all, not just some. Amen.