Let me set the scene for you – someone sent me a video of a young, attractive couple sitting on a bed. Dad, Mom, one-year old baby – all adorable – and the man begins a prayer for his wife during her period. He asks that his wife “not be driven by her emotions and not allow the enemy to cause her to be unproductive and unfruitful today.” He says that because she is feeling emotional and is in pain, they like – they – to start her period with him praying. He is thankful for her healthy body that “works properly” and wants us – and her – to know that her natural process of menstruation can be controlled if she just tries hard enough and also relies on God. What I think he is saying is that she should suck it up, stop whining, and do her womanly duty. Maybe you have a different take.
Of the many thousands of these thoughts that I have written over the last six years, this is the hardest one to give a title to. I went back and forth and all over the place, because this video is one of the most disgusting acts of misogyny I have ever seen – and she sits there holding her beautiful baby, keeping her eyes closed, praying along with her overbearing, arrogant, misogynistic husband. I have seen that kind of acting before; women in abusive relationships playing along so that nothing bad happens to them or their children. Being the perfect wife and mother and property of a weak, fragile man who understands nothing about her real life and doesn’t care to. I fear for her and that child.
If you find this video – it isn’t hard – you will see a lot of commentary about it. You will also see a lot of videos giving guidance to men as to how to pray for their wives and care for them during their periods. I had no idea that this was a thing; I just try to do what my wife needs me to do when she needs it. I don’t always succeed, but I try. I’m not saying husbands and wives shouldn’t pray for each other – in fact, I believe that it is a great thing to do, a way to be supportive and caring. This video, however, is just one more piece in the puzzle that is the perversion of faith – of a fake, performative, male-dominated religion that treats women as inferior. If you choose to be in that kind of religion, I can’t stop you. Just know that you don’t have to be treated like this – you don’t have to be submissive – you don’t have to give up your rights. And you don’t have to marry a misogynist. Be free. And safe.
Prayer – Holy God, please guide people in the way of equality and just relationships. And help people find freedom. Amen.
Today’s art is “Birch and Pine Tree No. 1,” 1925, Georgia O’Keeffe.